DON’T COME KNOCKING

The camera is panning slowly across a dramatic landscape of
desert mountains and a strangely fluorescent blue lake
sprawling under a pristine sky. Absolutely no signs of
civilization, not even a telephone wire. Over the image is
heard the desperate, almost hysterical voice of a FIRST
ASSISTANT DIRECTOR on a movie set, crackling through a walkietalkie.

VOICE OF 1ST A.D.
What’re you telling me? He’s not there?
He’s not in his trailer or what?
VOICE OF 2ND A.D.
No. He’s not.
VOICE OF 1ST A.D.
Well, did you check with craft service?
VOICE OF 2ND A.D.
Yeah.
VOICE OF 1ST A.D.
He’s not there either?
VOICE OF 2ND A.D.
No, he’s not.
VOICE OF 1ST A.D.
How ‘bout make-up and hair?
VOICE OF 2ND A.D.
He’s gone, Mickey. I’m telling you, he’s
gone!
VOICE OF 1ST A.D.
Where could he be gone to? Look around
you. There’s nowhere to go! We need him
here now! Camera is ready! Do you copy?

VOICE OF 2ND A.D.
I copy! I copy! Don’t yell at me! I can’t
take it!
VOICE OF 1ST A.D.
Goddamnit!

The camera arrives in front of Howard’s motorhome trailer
just as the First A.D. and SECOND A.D. come rushing up to the
door with several PRODUCTION ASSISTANTS. The First A.D. raps
loudly on Howard’s door.

1ST A.D.
Howard! Howard, are you in there? We need
you right now!
2ND A.D.
He’s not there. I’m telling you, he’s ...
1ST A.D.
Shut up!

The door to Howard’s motorhome swings open and a VERY YOUNG,
very hung-over GIRL in high heels and tight skirt stands
there supporting herself in the doorway.

1ST A.D.
Who’re you?
FIRST GIRL
Who am I? What d’ya mean, “Who am I”?
Who’re you?
1ST A.D. pushes the girl aside and enters trailer.
1ST A.D.
Where’s Howard?
FIRST GIRL
You can’t push me around!

INT. HOWARD’S MOTORHOME - MORNING

The interior of the trailer is a wreck with all kinds of
signs of dope, sex, alcohol and debauchery. The T.V. is on.
Loud music is playing. ANOTHER VERY YOUNG GIRL comes
stumbling out of the toilet closet fixing her clothes. She’s
as hung-over as the first girl.

The 1ST A.D. yells at her. 1ST A.D.
What’s going on in here? Where is Howard?
SECOND GIRL
Howard? Who’s Howard?
1ST A.D.
Aw, Jesus!

EXT. HOWARD’S MOTORHOME - MORNING

1ST A.D. comes crashing out of the trailer back into the 2ND
A.D. and the group of assistants.

1ST A.D.
He’s not in there!
2ND A.D.
I told you, ...
1ST A.D.
Will you shut up! You were supposed to be
keeping an eye on him! Camera is ready!
Camera’s been ready for half an hour!

The First A.D. jumps onto an electric golf cart and drives
off. The whole group follows him, storming off back towards
the set in a panic, leaving the two young girls in the
doorway of the trailer looking bewildered....
 
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